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We Are Young (Songfic)
Give me a second, I I need to get my story straight My friends are in the bathroom Getting higher than the Empire State My story is really messed up. I don't know how to explain all of this without the little lies that I once used to cover up the hurt and the pain I went through...the little thoughts filled with venom that I know now that I regret having, the thoughts in which I blamed StarClan for my bad luck. But it wasn't StarClan's choice that I was born- it was pure bad luck, for both my mother and I. She hated my guts, labeled me as the cat who should never have been born, the kit Tigerstar brought upon her. I was her personal punchbag; or rather that's what I was to her, in her own mad little world inside her brain. She would nearly always be distant with me when she wasn't clawing my face, or yelling at me. It was as if I was from another Clan, like I was never truly hers, like she was ashamed to be my mother. So, I think you might gather that 'messed up' doesn't mean merely a broken claw,a ruffled pelt, or anything as simple as that. Oh, how much I wish it could be. But even now, I am shunned by my Clanmates, except for my denmates, the elders; they know how tragic a life I've had, and how much I want to be forgotten. I want to be another freak that melts into the shadow. I was young then, many moons ago, when my deranged mother was still in the Clan.It hurt, oh yes. The worst blow she ever dealt still brings tears to my eyes when I remember it. My lover she is waiting for me Just across the bar, '' ''My seat's been taken by some sunglasses Asking 'bout a scar I was staring over at Lightkit, who was sat across the nursery, her silvery pelt perfect, her emerald eyes gleaming with the happiness I had never, and wouldn't know. I glanced furtively at the ugly scars marking my thin, lank pelt, the open wounds oozing scarlet liquid, the bald hairless spots where my fur had been ripped off. My eyes were dark pebbles of jealousy as I looked, but she never noticed me; my face fell as a sharp pain in my back showed me my mother hadn't missed it- but then again the fact I was mooning over her was widely known. dreaded the moment each day that she would open her mouth and speak to me. These words were never kind nor caring- just filled with scornful poison. "Mooning over that beautiful kit?" she hissed violently, my blood still glinting eerily on her claws. "You aren't worthy of her, you worthless, filthy little scrap of fur!" Her eyes had a malevolent gleam glowing in them, and I closed my eyes, not wanting to stare at the serpent before me. She said more things about me, all in their own way hurtful, than I care to remember. She was insane- but even Pinefur, my own father, didn't bother to defend me; he was afraid of completely losing her dwindling love. I was an outsider. I know I gave it to you months ago I know you're trying to forget But between the drinks and subtle things And the holes in my apologies She demanded that I apologise for being born, for ruining her life. I knew sometimes, by the way she forced out the words that she was trying to shake off her madness, but couldn't. I did apologise, to save myself a beating, but they were always fake, and filled with holes and massive gaps where more words should have been said. Thing was, I just couldn't find the words most of the time. I was unsure why she would always blame me for my own birth, and not Fate. Unless I'm a reincarnation of Fate, I'm really not sure what I'm apologising for. It's not like a kit can control kitbirth, is it? And even if I could, she had no right to treat me like crowfood. Actually, maybe she did. The one thing we shared was the fact that we were both messed up- and she took out her anger on me. Maybe she got drunk on the lakewater and never recovered. I don't know what caused the insanity- was it a coincidence or a curse? You know I'm trying hard to take it back So if by the time the bar closes And you feel like falling down I'll carry you home I felt so weak,and I longed to be strong and be able to stand up for myself. I carried my burden, my mother, on my shoulders until the sun went down; the gorse tunnel blocked by my Clanmates. My dreams were never good, and I was sure that the Dark Forest sent them, but they were better than facing the harshness of reality. I carried anger and despair; all the emotions one wishes to rid themselves of. They marred my soul, stained it, and sometimes they drained me of all energy, all will to fight back. It was then I heard her voice, the sweet, musical voice like bird song. My ears sucked it in like I needed it so survive. Well, technically I needed her to live and to be someone to lean on. "Hello, Nightkit." The sound delivered on an angel's wings. Tonight, '' ''We are young So let's set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun My father was devastated when Mooneyes passed on. Mooneyes was my mother; I never really got her name. Her eyes couldn't be moons. Somehow after it happened someone found the key to my cage of sadness and solitude. And, in my mind it was Lightkit who found it. She was always going to be the cat I loved. We were young and free, and I finally ate a square meal rather than the scrawniest mouse on the pile. And, to make things worse I was always last to eat back then. No longer. "It's against the warrior code!" I used to protest as my belly growled louder than a monster on the Thunderpath. It was always then that Lightkit would look at me; my pelt would burn hotter than the greenleaf sun. But that was all over, and I was relieved of my burden. I was head over heels in love with Lightkit, my sweetheart. But did she love me back? I dared not ask. Tonight, '' ''We are young So let's set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun Time flew by, and tonight was like the rest, the night before Lightkit and I would become apprentices. We ran away through the trees and bramble bushes,relishing the feel of wind through our fur, the scent of prey rushing up our noses, making our mouths water. Tiny shadows flickered by as we sat underneath the moon, the light turning our fur to silver- like we were in StarClan. It was beautiful, breathtaking, beauty at its very best. Her amber eyes glowed in the dark, and that moment, the moment that her eyes met mine, was when I felt that first spark. "Lightkit..." I began, not sure what to say to her.What if I said the wrong thing? I dreaded her going mad at me. Somehow I thought it wasn't the time to confess. "What?" she asked me. My face burned as I racked my brains for an excuse. "I forgot." I mumbled. She shrugged, obviously not minding my fake dumbness. "Happens to the best of cats." she mewed lightly,flicking me with her tail. "The best of cats?" I asked, my head cocked to the side. "You're a good cat, Nightkit." she mewed, as she led the way back to camp. I collapsed in my nest and gave way to starlit dreams. Now I know that I'm not All that you got I guess that I, '' ''I just thought, "Nightpaw- I'm sorry." Her voice haunted my dreams for many moons after that. It happened just after our ceremony,that she, with that heart as pure as snow, broke my heart. I detested Shadepaw, the handsome tom with the stormy grey pelt, the hypnotic eyes that had fooled Lightpaw into being his mate. He was the only cat in my life that I could say I wanted to shred. Actually, more than shred. I wanted to shred him, then burn the bits to make sure he was dead. But I couldn't. He stole my kithood sweetheart; the cat I loved, the cat that made my heart beat. I'd had dreams of Lightpaw and I being mates, having kits- pleasant dreams like when I daydream. But now they tormented me, like a new hell,and Shadepaw was the devil, with horns like sharp dogs teeth, that dwelt within. Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart But our friends are back So let's raise the cup Cause I found someone to carry me home Lightpaw stayed with Shadepaw. But then I found Lilypaw- the she-cat who I lived with for a while when we temporarily became rogues. She was my only friend since Lightpaw left me for him- until we joined the elders many, many moons after. When I was with her, I felt like I was soaring on the clouds, like I knew everything there was to know, like I was free... something that I had never felt with Lightpaw. Maybe I was still confined in my cage until I found Lilypaw. Our love was true, we stayed with each other... She carried me on her shoulders, listened to me when I talked about my burdens, and I returned the favour. I felt like falling over before, but now there is someone to carry me. Tonight, We are young So let's the set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun We were together, we were one. We chased butterflies, we ran out of camp and had mysterious adventures. I forgot about Lightkit, we didn't care. She could go and die in a hole, and we wouldn't have cared. Mean, I know, but we have reasons. It's hard to forgive a betrayal; hard to grieve for a cat who caused you moons of grief, moons of jealousy, moons of hate. She was the cause of my swollen, puffy eyes just after she told me. She was responsible for all my torture after my mother's death. And I would never forgive her. Tonight, '' ''We are young So let's set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun We were happy, she was the brightest star.... she shone brighter than the sun, brighter than Lightpaw ever was. Lilypaw was the light of my heavens, my StarClan... my love. Nothing could be better than loving her, ever. We wanted to set Lightpaw and Shadepaw alight, watch them beg for mercy as Lightpaw's pretty little pelt fell to ash and the light leave her accursed green eyes. And Shadepaw would be drowned in the saltiest water we could find so the salt hung off his pelt like the hardest hail, make his wounds sting again, before we chucked him in the fire too, to burn with his mate who betrayed me. We chatted about this a lot, as it made us laugh, made us satisfied. Oh, Lightpaw, revenge is sweet, isn't it? Carry me home tonight (La la la la la la) Just carry me home tonight (La la, la la la la la la) Lilypaw would sing sweet birdsong in my ear to lull me to sleep; this birdsong reminded me of when I first heard Lightpaw's voice. But somehow Lilypaw's voice sounded more elegant, graceful, beautiful... and honest. She carried our prey after our hunts, knowing what I thought about as we slowly removed my burdens from my shoulders, and threw them in the flame, where we knew someday the traitors would burn. "Lilypaw..." I didn't feel uncertain, not like I had before with Lightpaw. "I love you." I whispered softly, a silvery murmur riding the wind. I saw Lightpaw's icy cold glare freezing my pelt- like she still loved me. But I gave her a burning gaze, the fires of anger still blazing on relentlessly in my golden eyes, the jealousy gone. She flinched away from me. I teased her about it forevermore as payback for her betrayal, for my pain. Carry me home tonight (La la la la la la) Just carry me home tonightI (The world is on my side, ) Lilypaw was the princess, I was the prince. This was a love story; I hoped she would say yes. This was our world, and we could do as we pleased. We did consider leaving the Clan again, but decided remaining there would remind Lightpaw of what she did. Anyway, we had no reason to run- we were chasing the sun. I remember , a loner stared at us many, many moons ago now, and looking back I wish the moons hadn't flown by like an eagle; the best moments of my life are gone now, lost in the void of the past and hidden secrets. But then, who knows what the future will hold? I'll have to wait and see, and hope that the tide of hope brings good things to Lilywing and I; namely moons of blissful peace. Carry me home tonight (I have no reason to run, ) Just carry me home tonight (So will someone come and carry me home tonight?) I know that sometime soon the starry spirits will come for me. My eyesight is slowly dwindling, and I find myself eating less and less. Maybe someday I'll tell my story to young kits- maybe missing out the gory bits. I wouldn't want to give any young kit nightmares. My world is filled with pleasant things now. The angels never arrived, But I can hear the choir So will someone come and carry me home I hear them. The kits need a story. But it's not time. Not yet. I'll wait until I am sure it is right. I want to go to StarClan, rather than the alternative... maybe I will find better hunting there. Maybe. Just maybe. But why am I speaking of death? I have learnt not to wish time away. Tonight, '' We are young So let's set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun I can remember still; my dreams are haunted no longer. Now I dream of those happy times I had; even when I am awake I dream of it- we both do. I can't hunt anymore. But I still have the feel of wind through my fur. And my Clan. I've always been wild. I am still, aren't I? ''Tonight, We are young So let's set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun "Lilywing?" I croaked. "Yes?" she responded, her pelt wet with water as we stare out at the sunset, the sun blood red against the tinted sky. I thought for a moment. "Do you remember the time..." So if by the time the bar closes And you feel like falling down '' ''I'll carry you home, "...when we were young?" Tonight. Category:Just Pure Awesomeness